Country music is not known for being conventional when it comes to lyrics or song titles (we’re talking about a genre that just last month had a single extolling the virtues of the Red Solo Cup go platinum) but every once in a while a song comes along that just makes you go….Huh? My apologies in advance if the titles are off by a word or two—I started checking them all for accuracy but since many were not widely released (I can’t imagine why not!) many of them have slight differences from one list to the next. Plus, after Googling the first five or six I was laughing too hard to see. So here are my favorites, in no particular order.
1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
2. I’ve Got Tears in My Ears From Lying On My Back While I Cry Over You
3. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
4. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now
5. My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
6. You Can’t Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd – Special Bonus Video Clip!
7. You’re The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly.
8. Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On the Bedpost Overnight?
9. Don’t Cry On My Shoulders Cause Your Rustin’ My Spurs
10. I Flushed You From The Toilet Of My Heart
11. I’ll Get Over You, as Soon as You Get Out From Under Him
12. I’m Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate our Home
13. I’m Just A Bug On The Windshield of Life
14. If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?
15. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
16. Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears
17. I Don’t Care if it Rains or Freezes, As Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus (Sittin’ on the Dashboard of My Car)
18. How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody But Me?
19. When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I’ll Think You’re Walking In
20. I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here
And four honorable mentions with a disclaimer: STOP READING NOW if you are easily offended! (This is the part where we “get a little down and dirty”)
1. I Don’t Know What Came Over Me (When I Came All Over You)
2. I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine.
3. I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She’s Out Of Town.
4. If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I’ll Fall In Love